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literature
atonement
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Literature Text
you’ve always wanted to be someone else
flipping a coin for life or death
or scouring the pharmacy for some miracle pill
too tired to practice, you
lean your forehead against the wooden piano until it hurts
tighten the bow and then leave it there while you lie on the floor
four in the morning, stretching out your limbs under the covers like a dancer
hearing your sister have seizures in the other room
sleep will not find you
or you lie in the sun and write poems
about things that won’t go away
drink another mug of tea because it’s all you can do
tired of water and refusing food
adventures will not come
you stop running and hang your head
yet another dream faded
i’ll pray tomorrow, you say
i’ll run tomorrow
i’ll eat less tomorrow
i’ll say sorry
tomorrow
all the while wishing
that tomorrow wouldn’t come
flipping a coin for life or death
or scouring the pharmacy for some miracle pill
too tired to practice, you
lean your forehead against the wooden piano until it hurts
tighten the bow and then leave it there while you lie on the floor
four in the morning, stretching out your limbs under the covers like a dancer
hearing your sister have seizures in the other room
sleep will not find you
or you lie in the sun and write poems
about things that won’t go away
drink another mug of tea because it’s all you can do
tired of water and refusing food
adventures will not come
you stop running and hang your head
yet another dream faded
i’ll pray tomorrow, you say
i’ll run tomorrow
i’ll eat less tomorrow
i’ll say sorry
tomorrow
all the while wishing
that tomorrow wouldn’t come
© 2013 - 2024 jakybouvier
Comments4
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I've only sometimes wanted to be who I am
coin on end, between life and death
staring at the medicine cabinet knowing there is no treatment
anxious to give up, I
bash my face against the metal gong until I don't feel anymore
loosen the clip and remember to get back to it when I stand up
four in the afternoon, tense in the muscles on my feet like a soldier
seeing my brother frozen in front of me
insomnia is with me
and I stand under the moon and tell stories
about everything that I have lost
spit out another gulp of liquour because I can't hold it anymore
need water and something to settle the stomache
battles that have passed
I am always running and looking forward
I need to see through this nightmare
i curse today, I commit
i stand today
i eat today
i cannot appologize
today
i never wished
that I would be here today
coin on end, between life and death
staring at the medicine cabinet knowing there is no treatment
anxious to give up, I
bash my face against the metal gong until I don't feel anymore
loosen the clip and remember to get back to it when I stand up
four in the afternoon, tense in the muscles on my feet like a soldier
seeing my brother frozen in front of me
insomnia is with me
and I stand under the moon and tell stories
about everything that I have lost
spit out another gulp of liquour because I can't hold it anymore
need water and something to settle the stomache
battles that have passed
I am always running and looking forward
I need to see through this nightmare
i curse today, I commit
i stand today
i eat today
i cannot appologize
today
i never wished
that I would be here today